"Are you being led by your spirit or by your wound?" I just so happened to read that quote somewhere and it really made me think. What drives you? What puts the fire under your butt? What keeps you going? Is it your spirit (who you are) or is it your pain (past or present)? For me, it's always been a little bit of both. I usually have these moments of self-reflection but lately they have been happening more often then not.
Sometimes we are pushed outside of our comfort zones. That's just life. But lately, it seems like God really has been pushing me. Pushing me to see past my feelings, past the known and familiarity of my everyday, and most importantly pushing me to fully and truly humble myself. I have always considered myself to be an "open book" but through the years, I have noticed that I really am not. I let people in, but not fully. I share my feelings but to an extent. My "I don't need anyone, I've been on my own since forever" attitude helped me and hurt me. Even I don't allow myself to "feel" for too long and instead push things under the rug. I'm no stranger to independence or perseverance. But it is easy to get comfortable and I am guilty of falling into that pattern.
I say all of this to say that there is always room for growth. Instead of waiting for life to force it on you, stop making excuses and pay attention. Don't get too comfortable, don't let people get in your way, and most importantly, don't get in the way of yourself. Self-reflecting is important. It allows you to notice those negative patterns in your life. Try to look at the bigger picture and stop worrying about things that are out of your control. Refuse to remain stagnant. Face your fears (we're all afraid of something). Lastly, define happiness on your own terms. Whatever those terms are.